Roommates

A roommate can be a valued friend and a lifelong contact. When two people share a room, however, there are typically many adjustments for both individuals. Making those adjustments is an important part of your living and learning experience.

Getting to know your roommates

Asking the following questions will help you get to know your roommate right off the bat:

1. How would I describe myself?
2. How do I feel about being away from home?
3. How do I feel about drugs, drinking, dating?
4. What is my mood most of the time?
5. When do I prefer to be left alone?
6. What annoys me? What makes me happy?
7. What are my habits/hobbies?

Avoiding Problems Through Communication

Having a roommate can be one of your greatest college experiences if there is a mutual respect, communication, and the desire to make the relationship work. It's often trivial issues that can cause conflict between people sharing the same space. Potential hassles may be avoided if you initially communicate and take the time find out how your roommate feels about the following issues:

1. When you wake up and how (who sets/turns off the alarm clock?)
2. Anticipated bedtimes and hours of sleep needed.
3. Study habits (do friends, phone, TV, radio distract you?)
4. Sleeing habits (do you require total darkness and quiet?)
5. Who has priority in the room? (a person studying, sleeing, watching TV, talking with a friend, etc.)
6. Who cleans what and when? (You may want to make a list)
7. Loaning personal belongings, including clothes, food and laundry money, to your roommate or anyone else (What's OK or not OK to borrow? To whom? When?)
8. Times when friends can and can't be in the room (How late? Doing what? I.e., homework, Playing Wii, etc.).

Respecting Your Roommate

• Do not expect your roommate to be like you. Allow individual differences and use them to learn about other people's unique style, thoughts, feelings, etc.
• Understand that you are sharing the room and that both people need to feel good about living together.
• Talk about any decisions or actions that will effect both of you.
• Do not expect to be catered to or live like you do when you are living alone.
• Live by any mutual agreements you make, whether it's to talk weekly about potential problems or keep your side of the room clean.
• Be sensitive to your roommate's need for privacy or requests for sleep or study.

Dealing with Conflict

It is important to remember that when minor issues arise (loud music, too much or too little conversation, cleanliness, study or sleeping habits, attitudes towards visitation, etc.) the first obligation for each roommate is to discuss the matter with the other before it grows from a minor problem to a gnawing irritation. In those few instances when a difficulty cannot be satisfactorily resolved between the roommates, the residence life staff is available to assist in working out a solution.

Involve your RA in your roommate discussion. Problems ignored rarely disappear and will stand in the way of study, sleep, relaxation, and a good roommate experience. By discussing these issues and agreeing on how the issues will be handled, you can avoid future problems. More importantly, however, you and your roommate(s) will be establishing a pattern of open communication and mutual understanding.

Communication Tips During a Conflict

When you sit down with your roommate, be honest with him/her and yourself. If you and your roommate disagree or have different ideas, try to find the middle ground, a compromise with which both of you can agree. Be willling to hear your roommate's needs and desires and recognize that you both will need to adjust to the other for the roommate relationship to work for both of you. Good roommate relations take time; be patient, do not jump to conclusions, keep an open mind, and most of all keep talking to one another.